You have to sell yourself to YOURSELF

I was scrolling through Pinterest earlier this week and something caught my eye, more so than usual. It was a quirky little text image that said: "Enjoy Being Yourself". It didn't take long for the cogs in my brain to start turning. Enjoy being myself...?

That's when I asked myself: "How would you sell yourself... to yourself?"

I wasn't trying to make a list of generic positive traits, I was really trying to get to my honest self. My CORE. I have a lot of layers that make me unnecessarily complex. I don't care if someone else finds me complicated, I have dealt with that my entire life. I am a loud person who loves to laugh and make other's laugh, that is a GENUINE trait of mine that I inflate 100x times its size to mask a not so acceptable side of me. It may not be admired or appreciated by the outside world, but it's a part of me that I'm really starting to embrace and love. I'm an EXTREMELY empathetic person, I do believe I am an "empath" but for some weird and completely unvalidated reason I feel pretentious when I say that. I don't feel that way at all when others refer to themselves as an empath, but for myself personally, I find it presumptuous that I could FEEL what anyone else is going through when in reality I could have no clue. Does that make sense? My main point being: People drain a lot of energy from me. I can genuinely feel my energy leaving my body when I am with even one other person. Being that I am a human who, ya know, lives on planet earth... This is obviously a problem. I think the biggest issue I feel is, well... How that makes others feel. Here's where it gets complicated and why I don't tell 90% of the people in my life about this. It's nothing personal. ONE MORE TIME FOR THE FOLKS IN THE BACK!!! It. Is. Nothing. Personal. I come into contact with so many lovely souls, kind-hearted, loving, FUN people! They put a smile on my face, they make me laugh and enjoy myself! GENUINELY! But it doesn't take away from the fact that it drains me... Let me try to explain this better..

Remember when we were kids, and we would go to those super awesome playgrounds that don't seem to exist anymore? We would run around from swing to monkey bars, from monkey bars to those other bars we would hang upside down on. From hanging upside down to playing tag! Ahhhh the nostalgia! It truly made my heart happy being there and racing around like a madwoman. But, regardless of all the fun, when I hit the car, I was EXHAUSTED! Is that a clear explanation? I hope so. Saying this out loud to anyone besides my parents, my older sister and Justin is kinda scary. Being vulnerable is scary... But I have to believe I'm not alone. If my feelings are correct, and even one person feels how I feel, maybe they won't beat themselves up anymore about it. Maybe they won't feel like an isolated idiot, who's scared, everyone either A) Thinks they are making excuses, or B) Thinks they're just an asshole. You're not either of those things. You are YOU! You have a unique brain and energy that can become clouded really easily, and you feel most comfortable protecting said energy. You prefer being wrapped up in the literal and metaphorical safety net that is your favorite blanket, rather than dealing with the from the chaos the world outside your door brings. You prefer the purity and genuine energy that animals bring, over human's energy. You need different things, and you need to embrace that. You need to enjoy being yourself.

At least, that's how I sell myself to

.