When life throws boulders at your head... Make lemonade?

So I've managed to cry just about every tear out of my body, and ate all the chocolate in my kitchen (Prepare for a post about how I hop back on my healthy workout wagon soon *insert laughing crying emoji*) and I think I am now on season 5 of Roseanne.. Sue me, I think the original show is heart warming and turns my brain off despite the abhorrent behavior of the leading lady in the 10+ years afterwards. Anyways, I still am not quite up to my full 100%.. Shit I don't even feel like I'm at 50% truly, but I'm in a place where I don't want to be a victim anymore. I need change. Unless you are one of maybe 4 people in my life who I let into my metathesiophobic brain, you may not realize how alarming that statement is coming from me. I go to great lengths to keep a routine, mostly due to personal reasons that I'm sure I will figure out how to explain without feeling embarrassed at some point. I listen to the same two podcasts and the same 15 songs just about every day. I make almost the same meal every night, have been sleeping with the same blanket for 10+ years. I watch the same 3 or 4 shows on a loop, and when watching anything new I have anxiety. Anything out of routine makes it hard to breathe, hard to focus, hard to exist really. I know that is hard to even comprehend for anyone who doesn't go through it themselves... Assuming anyone else even goes through my crazy shit, I sometimes have my doubts about that. Right now though I feel like change is critical. I need to reinvent my routine for the better by stepping outside my comfort zone. The dichotomy I face within myself is that I love comfort and routine, but I have an undying need to fulfill my soul's purpose. (it sounds full organic granola and hippie dippie doo I'm fully aware but it's my truth) To fulfill your soul's purpose you need to evolve and blossom into the best version of yourself, which unfortunately for me, I cannot do in my shell. A seed thats planted cannot grow into a beautiful tree without sunlight, room to grow, and water. I've planted my seed, and as of right now I drank a quart of water.. All I need now is a bit of space, and lots of sunlight and I will poke out from the dirt little by little, one day at a time.